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Humor - Chocolate is a Vegetable
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Chocolate is a Vegetable:
Chocolate is derived from cocoa
beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS.
Both are plants,
which places them in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate
candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy.
So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate covered raisins,
cherries, orange slices and
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted
chocolate all over your hands,
you're eating it too slowly.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home
from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each
meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
Chocolate has many preservatives.
Preservatives
make you look younger.
Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least
you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place.
Now,
isn't that handy?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose.
An entire garment industry
would be devastated.
You can't let that happen, can you? |
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Humor - You know you're a Weight Watcher when...
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You know You're a Weight Watcher member when...
. You
accidentally swallow toothpaste and wonder how many POINTS it had in it.
· You stand in the aisles at the grocery store
with your WW PointsFinder figuring POINTS before you buy.
· You feel your collar bone/ribs/hip bones and think you need
to call 911 because something must be broken.
· Everyone at your lunch table is asking you to figure the POINTS on their
lunch.
· You threaten to put your cat on WW.
· You figure the POINTS on cough syrup.
. Your child says there are
too many POINTS in something s/he doesn't want to eat!
· You don't want to share ANY of your food with anyone because you've
measured it and know exactly how many POINTS are in it.
· You know where every public restroom is wherever you go . . .
you need it after drinking all that water!
· You realize "gram" is a four letter word.
· You weigh yourself before and
after the bathroom just to see how much of a difference it makes.
· You don't mind "seeing stars."
· You ask your WW
leader to bring in a curtain so you can weigh-in naked.
· Your child gets an "A" in English for turning your journal in
as a book report.
· You convince the grocery store owner to organize the food aisles according to POINTS values.
· You
hang your 5 pound book markers from your car antenna.
· You replace your college diploma with your 50 lb. magnet (now which
one is actually tougher to achieve?).
· You Calculate Activity points for Sex!
· You not only weigh food on your food
scale, but your clothes, keys, HAIR, socks, etc
· People at work know when your weigh in day is because you have the same
outfit on that day EVERY WEEK
· you call your family to the dinner table and instead of "what's for dinner?" they ask "how
many points are we having for dinner?"
· you take a bite and then spit it out because you realize it wasn't worth the points!
· you mark all the food boxes in the house with points per serving
· you carry your journal with you wherever you go
·
you take Molly McCheese with you to the restaurant so you don't waste your points on butter
· you ask your family to hide
the cookies and chips so you won't be tempted
· Kashi becomes your favorite snack food
· "On The Side" become the 3
most uttered words in your vocabulary
· you start parking in the back of the parking lot for the extra exercise
· you
start wondering why restaurant servings of any meal are large enough to feed 3 grown me
· you start wondering how many
points are in bubble gum
· you look down at the backs of your hands and get freaked out by how skinny they look
· you
weigh every pair of shoes you own
· you spend 10 minutes in Staples looking for the prettiest paperclips for your paperclip
chain
· you want to drive to Ben & Jerry's individual houses and drown them in a vat of Chunky Monkey
· you take
up knitting/crocheting/tatting/rughooking/paintbynumbers to keep your mind off food
· the thought of having a bran muffin
for breakfst gets you so excited you can't fall asleep.
· you dance a little jig in front of the frozen foods case in the
grocery store because you finally found Skinny Cows!
· You stop licking postage stamps when you realize they are 1 tenth
of a calorie each.
· know in advance, by heart, what you can eat at each and every resturaunt that DH may want to go to.
·
instead of carrying an armful of things thru the house, you intentionally made several trips to get in that extra 20 steps
of walking.
· you smile and gaze adoringly at the produce aisle.
· your junk drawer at work has been revamped to include
Milky Way Lites, LF granola bars, FF Pringles and lite peach cups instead of Cheetos and snickers bars.
· you take a big
black permanent marker and not only mark the points but also write your name and "DO NOT TOUCH OR ELSE".
· everywhere
you go, you take along two 'purses'. Your regular purse, and your Weight Watcher's Black Bag, with the point guides, Slider,
and all other 'stuff' in there!
· you dont wear any makeup to get weighed in , fearing it will weigh too much
· you
see really overweight people and want to tell them they can do something to change their lives!
· You hold up your snacks
next to your kids' and warn them that eating the wrong ones will result in their demise.
· the jeans that you would have
never dared to put in the dryer for fear that they would not make it back over your hips... are in there right now, as you
hope to shrink them enough that they won't fall straight off! |
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When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And
you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all
about being healthy and thin.
So What! You went over your points a bit,
It's your next move that counts...So
don't you quit!
It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your
range.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."
It's
part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble
and fall is not a disgrace,
if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when
loosing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.
And learn too late when the damage is done,
that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but
facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud
of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it....But don't
you quit!
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Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked
diet.
"We are what we eat," said a wise old man!
And, Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can !
I want to
rise on Judgment Day, that's plain,
But, at my present weight, I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may
not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol !
At margarine I'll never mutter
For the road to hell is paved with
butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,
And Satan lurks in every waffle !
Give me this day my daily
slice,
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujubes please !
And
when my days of dieting are done,
And my war with Snickers bars is won,
Let me stand with the heavenly throng,
In
a shining robe...size seven, long !
I can do it, Lord, if You'll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise...
Of pasta a la Milanaise, potatoes a la Lyonnaise...
And crisp-fried chicken
from the south ...
Lord, if you love me... shut my mouth !
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Now don't we all just wish this grew on trees? No matter how disciplined or in control you may be, or how much
weight you have already lost...there are always 'those times' where you can feel totally out of control and able to
eat anything and everything in sight. There can be lots of reasons we lose motivation...but no matter where it stems from...these
times can often trigger feelings of failure and lead us on a path of self-destruction. Instead of fighting to get through
this time....we often view it as defeat and in turn give up on ourselves.
It's important to first be aware that these
times ARE going to come. They can last for just a moment...a day...a week, and sometimes much longer. You may find that there
is a cycle to these times or may even notice what seems to trigger this in you. It's essential that we pay attention to the
signs that bring these feelings on. You can then take steps to prepare yourself the best way you can...or, at the very least,
learn how to better handle your choices. This will depend alot on what works for YOU. It may be hormonal, it could be things
such as stress, boredom, being out of routine...anything. You may not even know the cause...but it's still important to find
ways to deal with it the best way that you can.....be proud of the efforts you make.......and then move on. Afterall, this
is not just about 'getting2goal'......it's about the rest of your life. And nobody is motivated 100% of the time......so be
gentle with yourself.
I have learned though much experience what my triggers are...and what works best to help me
regain control over my eating and exercise habits. It has become easier for me to keep focused and not be so hard on myself.
A positive attitude is the key for me.
If you think you can......you will!
It's not always so easy but there are alot of different
ways to hop back on the right path. I find that surrounding myself with positive anchors and getting the support of others
who can relate helps me alot. Doing something rewarding for myself, instead of focusing so much on the negative, is also a
great way for me to set myself straight. I think about the advice that I would give to somebody else...I treat myself well
and don't expect to be perfect. Giving up is NEVER an option!
The way I see it...there are two choices. You do the
best that you can do and be proud of that...or, you give up on yourself.....and you know what that will get you. Been there......done
that!
Sometimes time is all it takes....and belief enough in yourself not to let one battle decide the war....no matter
how long, or difficult, the struggle may be.
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